Post by niecie on Oct 4, 2015 19:36:01 GMT -5
Before I get started watching the second and final WWW reunion movie, I thought I would note down some things that have come to mind:
For one thing, I have this vague memory of watching one of the movies (on first airing, I have no doubt) and seeing a circus tent. There was no circus tent in the first one... oh wait - there was the tent theater where Jim found Artie - but that one was dull-colored and it was a night scene; the one I recall was brightly-colored and it was day. So I'm presuming what I remembered will be in this movie.
I know that Victor Buono is in this one, making the entire WWW experience something of a Buono sandwich (since he was also in the pilot). Here he plays a German-sounding politician named Dr Messenger, an obvious riff on Dr Kissinger. (And I remember thinking about the Messenger/Kissinger joke back when the movie first aired too.)
I've heard that the Big Bad here was supposed to be Miguelito Jr again, but that for some reason Paul Williams wasn't available to play the part again, so they rewrote it, bringing in... what's the name, Palladin? played by Jonathan Winters. Now, I'm very fond of Jonathan Winters! But I'd be hard pressed to name any role he played that wasn't comedic, so I'm already a bit leery.
(Well, one of the things I always always liked about WWW was the bits of humor they brought in, such as the banter between Our Heroes. But the show's primarily action-adventure, not comedy. So I hope this one doesn't go overboard with the humor.)
Ok, I think I'm ready to plug in the headphones, crank up the ol' VideoLan, and watch the show...
Nice set of drawings to show the opening credits over, starting with the still of *happy sigh* the train (Oo, and with the two cars as in the old days, rather than the one long car from the previous reunion movie). Ah, Paradine! I got that wrong. Heh - they credit Skinny as Robert T Malone *snicker*. Oh, and Rene's back for this one too! Nice.
I take it the Broughs are twins? For that matter, their names are familiar, especially Randi. Suspect I'll recognize them when they show up.
So now it's 1890. So the president should be... Benjamin Harrison, right? Between the two Grover Cleveland administrations.
As simple a thing as getting his key to unlock a door, and Jonathan's mugging for the camera.
Oy! Now if I hadn't been warned that the movie starts with several copies of Jonathan Winters being blown up, I would have been freaking out right now!
Ah, I like the artsy version, with his big beret at a rakish angle. Boo hoo - I won't get to like him for long, will I?
The trigger was clipped to the back of the palette? That's a pretty dumb way to set off a bomb! (After all, he was moving that palette all over the place - and wouldn't he have seen there was something attached to the back?) Yikes, and the whole building was brought down - talk about overkill! *disapproves*
Germany and he's digging into his supper - and another building blown to smithereens. (Ok, the London version's whole building went to pieces too, but there it looked like a single-family dwelling, not an apartment building as here and in Paris.)
Spain - the bull blows up? Seriously? That's abominable! (No really - think about it...)
Um, wait a minute - the next location is given as Chicago, but as the camera follows the cab along the street, we see a theater sign in the background which reads BILLY GOA... (probably Billy Goat?) - and I saw that very same sign in Revisited when Jim arrives in Kansas City to pick up Artie and the train! (Yeah, they didn't expect anyone to notice, did they?)
Aw, Artie - couldn't you shove your name onto that theatrical poster at least one more time?? And what's that last line: Fresh from his Dramatic Triumph in Brush, Colorado? Brush?
(You know, to hear the reunion movies tell it, Artie's a really bad actor on the stage! Was that really how we were always supposed to see him, even in the series? Because that was never the impression I got of him - a fact my fanfictions make clear.)
Love the rows of wigs on the shelves in his dressing room. And yes, it's a real dressing room this time, with a star and his name on the door!
Artie's delivery on 'Obviously you're not of the theater!' *snicker snicker*
Artie plainly is only willing to make that deal with Joseph because he's so sure Jim won't agree to come out of retirement again. And I love that he quotes the 'only one pipsqueak' line!
Who is that woman with the sword?? And man, this looks like the finale of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid!
Those dudes can't shoot straight for nothing! Not that I want them to hit the running man (I'm presuming that's Jim), but he's running in a straight line across open country - and now he's fallen down! And they still miss him with every shot!
Yep, it's Jim. And Joseph's there waiting for him?
Edward Jensen? He looked just like Joseph! (And he must think he's bullet-proof same as Jim...)
Jim's got a mustache again!
So much for Jim's Mexican paradise...
Another repeated shot from the first movie, when the two carriages roll past in different directions as the camera zooms in on the Treasury Dept sign.
Oh, not just a mustache, but some gray in it and at Jim's temples too.
Yeah yeah, Jim - wave the flag!
'You wanna add anything?' 'No, I think you've covered it all, Artie.' But Skinny's smiling to see them. (And by the way, Jim didn't stop to change clothes after arriving from Mexico, same as in the first movie!)
'Our adventures? How did he get into this act?' My sentiments exactly! The desk jockey thinks the adventures include him!
Skinny, read a thesaurus and stop using the word vicinity so often. Besides, the Western states are a bit big to be considered a vicinity - in my estimation.
(I love Artie's watch chain.)
Sagging? Again with the sagging?
Fitness room? Jim says the phrase with interest, Artie with dread.
I do believe that is in fact Benjamin Harrison on the wall behind Skinny. Nice touch. Ah, and I no sooner type it when Skinny points him out and identifies him. *smile*
However, his line about the president running around his Oval Office all day long makes Harrison sound a bit like a hamster. And was the Oval Office a thing yet in those days? I thought maybe it was more modern - say, from the days of the Truman repairs (after the piano leg fell through a floor in the White House).
Jim's in his red skivvies again. And Artie looks like he's going to the beach!
Artie, don't you dare yawn!
*squee!* Great-Aunt Maude! And dingy-bang!
Being dragged - apt line!
I'm amazed Jim kept his hat that long... Wait a minute - is this the sword lady from Mexico again??
Wish I could understand the word Jim yells! Sounds like Porista? Maybe it's a name - the sword lady's name?
For two guys who just got dragged a block or two along a dirt street, they don't look particularly dirty, nor do their clothes look in bad shape. (I'd have expected a hole or two, yeah?)
Hey, not bad fightin' moves from Artie - and some of 'em, that's even Ross doing 'em. And directing the next fighter Jim's way! Claiming he doesn't know Jim at all though - I don't think Artie would really do that - well, not unless he was undercover (which he isn't), or unless he was REALLY mad at Jim (which maybe he is!).
Ok, so I didn't think Artie would run off and abandon Jim, and sure enough, he's sweet-talking his way into making off with a tandem bike. (Yeah, that can outrun a beer wagon!)
What, the horses got spooked by the bicycle? They ripped loose the porch support!
The gang that couldn't shoot straight strikes again...
(Somehow I doubt if that young couple ever got their bike back.)
The washstand is in the middle of the parlor again. And from what I could see, still the wrong kind of washstand for on a moving train.
Yeah, the 'Skinny's so dumb, he (fill in the blank)' jokes are starting to wear a bit thin. He's doesn't strike me as particularly dimwitted, especially compared to his nephew. (And I'm sure some of you are saying, 'What, only starting to wear thin?')
This depot looks a lot like the one at Wagon Gap in the previous movie.
Not the fringed jacket of old, but not bad - not bad at all. (And Jim's still got the mustache!)
And out of the cloud of venting steam steps - Jonathan. The adventure begins!
Spitting image of his father? But who's his father that we're supposed to know him, eh? Oh, and Jonathan's mugging again.
Ah, Artie - you've just met the guy you've been sent after, the fellow who's supposed to be the Big Bad of this case, and when he offers you something to drink, you're all for it? Oh, and it's champagne on ice - six bottles - and you're practically salivating! Are you pulling something? 'Cause you can't really be dumb enough to drink that without suspecting something's up!
Jim at least seems suspicious.
The eyes, the eyebrows - that's Jonathan all over.
That dude in the foreground gets slapped by the saloon girl.
Oh, these must be the Broughs!
A slice off the ol' Paradine fruitcake - that's a great line. Be an even better line if any of us in the audience knew anything about Paradine's father! (They couldn't have pulled in a canon villain of old? I mean, I could have: instead of Paradine the second, this is... Braine Jr! There ya go! Now we know who Daddy was!)
Oo, red flocked wallpaper!
He intends to dominate the entire world! And his smile drops off his face one cheek at a time.
New and fresh point of view for a madman. Yep, that's about the size of it.
I do not understand the megalomaniac who wants to rule over the debris of civilization. *shakes head* (At least he wants some survivors to rule over, unlike the thoroughly despicable Furman Crotty. Hey, maybe Jonathan could be his kid!)
Wait, what? Either one is infinitely more difficult than the other? Speaks in oxymorons, the man does!
Ok, that was quite true - a most unusual departure!
Oh, he's invisible! And instead of walking around the tables, he has to show where he is by knocking them all over. So what's the good of being invisible, hey?
What did he blow up? And is this a leftover bomb from when it was going to be Miguelito Jr?
Everyone acts like a huge explosion is no big deal.
Ok, I was wrong: I don't really recognize the Broughs at all.
And... station break. Analysis: I found the scene at the saloon a bit odd. Let's just sit down with the Big Bad and discuss things. He admits to the murder of his brothers and lays out his nefarious plans, Artie makes snarky asides to Jim that the Big Bad can plainly hear - and Jim just sits there. The scene falls completely flat for me; could have been much better written. Much. It's a bunch of plain ol' exposition, and static at that, with them all sitting around a table. *shakes head sadly*
I took a break to run some errands and of course was mulling over the story to date in my head. And for a bit there, just a little bit, I considered issuing a challenge to our fanfiction authors here to rewrite this story and make it better. But then it hit me: that's what fanficcers do all the time! Story didn't go the way we like, we fix it! So I'm not exactly issuing a challenge.
(More like hinting at a plot bunny... *wink*)
Hmm, the story advances a month at a time...
Yes, I agree with Skinny! Enough talk; let's have some action!
I do wonder though that Skinny goes from 'Pfft! How is he dangerous?' to 'This is war!' in the space of about half a minute.
I have no idea what his little soliloquy was about. And whistling because this is war? ... Maybe they're right; maybe Skinny really is a few bricks shy of a full load.
That's a checkers board, obviously, but what sort of checkers are they using on it? Frankly, Artie's men look like so many Brazil nuts. (Also, his move looks illegal.)
Anyway, that's why you use a telegraph, gentlemen, so you don't waste time going from Nevada (was it Nevada this time? I may have lost track) to Washington DC and back again. Did the writers forget the telegraph had been invented?
Where the blazes did that bloody Brit come from???
Colonel? You mean that blithering idiot (Queen Victoria's own words for him) got promoted? (Will wonders never cease...)
The engineer this time is named Casey. Artie knows it; Edney (Rene's character) didn't bother to learn it even though he's been riding in the engine with Casey since they left Washington.
Casey refused to give Edney any information whatsoever. Good for Casey! So why did he let Edney ride with him? Must be more to the story than we're being told.
Lovely - Edney lights his cigar, waves out his match, then simply lets the match fall on the carpet. *glowers at the litterbug*
Edney tells the rest of his story about the engineer, and it doesn't make much sense. What did he pat in his pocket? If he didn't bribe the engineer, then what's in the pocket: a gun? Did he threaten the man? (If so, it's wonder Casey didn't conveniently bump into him on a curve and bye-bye, Edney!)
This time he thinks he's legal? The more Edney talks, the more I want to bump into him on a curve!
Britain simply isn't interested in a world war at this particular moment. *shakes head*
Oh, and they won't be interested until August 1914, give or take a fortnight. Hahaha, let's make World War I jokes. (Listen closely; I ain't laughing.)
Everybody hit the deck! Yep, it's sword lady again!
And here the writers seem to have forgotten about the speaking tube that communicated between the parlor and the engine room. (engine deck? what's the proper term for that? need to look it up!) The joke of the engineer constantly saying, 'What?' as Jim implores him for full steam falls waaaay flat - especially since the engineer ought to be able to see the horsemen racing alongside the train shooting at it. He ain't blind, is he?
Jim throws wood at the baddies. Jim don't got his gun, I guess.
(Y'know, when I longed for action a bit earlier, I expected real action, not a parody thereunto!)
Why does the cart with Sword Lady stop? I don't understand!
Oh, a couple of the pieces of wood hit the bullwhip guy! And therefore he breaks off the attack? Again, I don't understand!
Now Sword Lady sounds like a whiny brat. If she wants Jim West, why do she and her cohorts stop attacking the train? Doesn't make sense. I don't see any physical obstacles to make them stop. Seriously, the bad guys need to be consistent, not just show up, fire off a few weapons, then give up for no reason. That's not how action works.
And for once I agree with Edney, though my question is not wondering who they were, but why they stopped their pursuit. (If there must be plot devices, at least they should be done well!)
Edney, you scum! You act as if it's a personal affront against yourself, queen, and country that you've been embroiled in Jim's 'personal matter,' but the fact is that you're a stowaway and the only reason you're there in the line of fire is because you imposed yourself on J&A and on their train! So shut your trap, Edney; if you get killed here, it's because you butted in! *grumble grumble grumble*
Edney's lines are supposed to be funny, I guess, but mostly to me they just sound like poor writing. (Poor Rene!)
A quibble - there should be more area on the train than the parlor and the engine. There ought to be the baggage car, for instance. Staterooms too, but neither of Our Heroes are likely to want Edney poking around in their bedrooms!
Wondering why Artie just stayed on the floor for the rest of the scene.
Back to the depot. Girls in pretty dresses with parasols waiting. The Broughs again maybe? Oh, just one girl! And I don't recognize her. But she's plainly meeting their train.
Oh, she's Penelope's replacement. I'm grumpy that Edney made arrangements for her to meet him when he didn't even belong on that train! (At least she doesn't have a boob window!)
Ah, I can see the length of the train now, and it's back to the one long car. In all that room there should have been a baggage area where they could stick Edney to cool his heels.
Again Artie gets excited over Paradine's champagne! I'm annoyed at the writing all over again.
More standing around talking without really advancing the plot. *sigh* Or even proper exposition? She finds the professor 'roly-poly'? What is that even supposed to mean?
At least Edney refuses to drink the champagne! But ordering J&A to arrest Paradine? Jim's right; he's out of his jurisdiction.
Facepalming - both hands over my face - at Edney's attempt to arrest Paradine.
When did Paradine develop a British accent?
Bring in troops! Edney, you're forgetting that little problem of jurisdiction again! I don't blame Artie for getting ticked off with him. (But I still think this is all badly written.)
Paradine has a good point there about starting a war between the US and England. But how come he reacts to that bomb? Wasn't it one of his bombs?
The long shot of the bomb's cloud looks like it was lifted from the previous movie. (And probably both were lifted from an actual atomic bomb test from way back when.)
Anti-social sane madman? (Again with the oxymorons!)
(Twenty-seven and a half minutes into the movie, and I'm starting to wonder if it's worth watching the rest. Too much standing around talking!)
So the invisible man gooses all the girls as he passes, then does the table-flipping thing again. Um... actually, it looks like the exact same table-flipping thing, right down to the girl jumping into that dude's arms. They reused the same footage?? (And what I was thinking of just before I recognized the same stunt is that this is not what I want to see passing as stunt work. C'mon, let's have some real action, guys! *rolls eyes*)
(Ah, never mind! I recorded both sections and played them side-by-side, and they are in fact different. Not very different, but at least it's not simply the same footage duplicated. *whew*)
Um... come to think of it, when the invisible Paradine is going behind the girls goosing them, the way J&A whirl around, I wonder were they afraid the dude would goose them too!
*sigh* Yeah, I'm really afraid this is more of a parody of WWW than the real thing. Y'know, I've seen behind the scenes pics from the filming of one or the other of the reunion movies, and I was struck by how sad Ross looked. Perhaps he was sad because he read the script they were saddled with!
Department of State, and the voice that said, 'Come!' I do believe we're about to meet Dr Messenger. (Perhaps Victor Buono can do something to revive this turkey of a movie?)
Oh dear, my hopes are dashed. Messenger's accent is so thick I can't understand him without playing each line over and over again. (Again I bewail my lack of closed captioning.)
Well, I did like his little business of acting like the president's permission is pretty much an afterthought! (Does he have a lipstick mark on his cheek? Remember Dr Kissinger's reputation as a ladies' man!)
'With two of our best men out there, shouldn't something be happening?' Yeah, that's my question too, Dr M! When is this show ever gonna stop talking us to pieces and actually have something HAPPEN???
(And we've still got another hour to go! How did they manage to pack so much nothing into just one little half-hour??)
(Don't hold back, Niecie; tell us what you really think...)
What on earth was Skinny laughing about, huh?
And suddenly Skinny's all military precision? O.o
Note to self, writes Dr M: Check... Malone's... unintelligible...
My word, when Paradine said there would be signs, he wasn't kidding! This absolutely has crossed the line into parody!
Finally a talk interlude that I liked: Artie's scenario of taking Paradine to court.
Palm trees? In that kind of desert? Am I seeing straight... *perks up* Hey! I think it's the circus tent I remembered!
*eyebrows shoot up* Who are all those people?
'Looks like fun to me'? Excuse me? James, have you forgotten why you're there? Because the sign says (I think) CASINO, you're no longer on assignment? (And is this supposed to be some nineteenth century version of Las Vegas?)
A whole line of one-armed bandits - yep, must be Vegas.
Camel... elephant... card tricks...
(Oh, and it occurs to me that Jim keeps standing with his hands on his hips - as if that makes this really James West despite the horrible script.)
(By the way, something else just occurred to me: Artie looks less jowly in this movie than in the previous one.)
Gunga Dan? That's one of the worst puns they've perpetrated in the whole series. Reminds me, of course, of Golden Cobra.
More Paradine monologuing. Somewhat weird, as usual.
'Let's stop the charade and arrest that guy.' 'On what charges?' Yeah, this is the same conversation they had on the way there! Really, he confessed to the murder of his four brothers. Why not arrest him on that and be done with it? This whole thing is becoming tiresome. (And it's only five minutes of show time since I said that last.)
Oh, there you go! Arrest him for attempting to bribe a couple of federal agents - the two stacks of five-dollar chips!
Oh, was that Akbar? *wink*
And... Paradine gives the croupier the high sign.
O.o - Move it to 18, seven digits up? (Would this system have worked on the Fortuna II?) Anyway, why bet the whole amount on a single number? I'd have held some back.
Ah, the high sign was a signal to let him win.
His system makes less sense no matter what he does.
Yikes! It's Dr Joyce Brothers! And yippie, more jawing.
Oh, shut up, Artie!
So are they being bribed? Again I can't make out what people are saying.
The fact that Artie's vest is unbuttoned is distracting me.
I wonder if Jonathan's talk about the animals might have been adlibbed. It's inane, but a slightly better class of inanity than usual, sadly.
Finished counting the chips? They've been walking all this time; when were they supposed to have time to count chips?
I do believe Jim enjoyed dumping the chips over Paradine's hat.
Oh, here are the hulk boys I heard about in a quiz recently!
Himalayas? They look like a pair of green-tinted white boys to me. One of them even looks a bit like a Duke of Hazard.
I don't know: usually Jim doesn't wade into a fight without some sort of provocation first.
Oh, that is so lame! *whimper* (First we get lots of talk and no action, now we get action that's dopey and lame!)
The fact that the camera never left the spot on the floor from which J&A jumped up to attack the hulks was a big telegraphing that they were about to occupy the same spot on the floor again. And thus it came about. Meh.
Ok, that does look uncomfortable: hanging by their ankles over the cage of tigers. Now, could Jim please have something in his boot heels, for pity's sake? Please?
Tiger jumps pretty high! If it weren't for the target the tiger's going after, I could be happy watching the tiger jump. Well, for a while.
Sadly, I have to agree with Paradine. There hasn't been any challenge to this story. Which begs the question: why did the writer include so much self-criticism into his plot?
Peace conference? This is the first mention in the story of any peace conference! 'Skinny didn't say anything about any conference...' Ugh, what a lame line they foisted off on Artie!
The watered-down Holocaust line sounds like an adlib. By the way, until WWII (and especially after it, after the extent of the Nazis' activities came to full light), I doubt if the term holocaust (meaning whole burnt offering) would have been in general use. Just sayin'.
Oh good, Artie's got an idea. Which is the perfect time for a station break. (Bringing us to roughly half-way through the show. My word, but it's taking forever!) (I am seriously craving to bring up my solitaire program to chill out for a while - a long while.)
But, back to the show.
Harry Morgan on horseback. He looks so different here from Col Potter on horseback! (No, really: he's posting.)
Yeah yeah yeah, Paradine, lay the flattery on just a bit thicker. Oh good, it seems to have rubbed Skinny the wrong way… Except, no, Skinny seems to have fallen under Paradine's sway. (What a pity - Hope I'm wrong!)
Fishing trip? As in fishing for some excuse to arrest Paradine, that kind of fishing?
Skinny's justifying Our Heroes' opinion of him again. Talking too much to the guy he knows is the bad guy!
(The Broughs don't really have much to do. They don't even get to roll their eyes at the bad guy's antics the way Carmelita kept expressing her opinion of Jr's bombast.)
Literally facepalming over the bit about the rods over their shoulders... And skipping along! Gaahhh!
Anything - wink - anything. Yep, another proffered bribe... Ugh, proffered, and apparently accepted. *gloom*
Ok, we come back to Our Heroes again - and Artie really did have a good idea! And Jim has a knife... Ok, now they just have to make sure they don't lose their grip on the ropes before they're outside the cage... (I doubt if that was Ross doing the stunt, but I do wonder if Bob did it.)
Ah. And once again the camera betrays that Our Heroes will be right back.
Greenie behind 'em, greenie before. And Paradine too. Yippie.
Um... so now it's Let's Make a Deal? *jaw drops* Yeah, he even said the title!
Basket - considering the placard about the Gunga Dan dude in the main tent, I can probably guess what's in the basket. But likely none of the three options is anything they would want.
'Just take your time' half second passes 'Time's up!'
Ah, Artie actually mouths 'Basket' to Jim before Jim says the word loudly!
Paradine tells a hulk to take Mr West to the Snake Pit Lounge. Artie wanders along with the other hulk behind him - and suddenly on a curve he winds up behind the second hulk while apparently adjusting his clothing - and BAM! Off he runs! (And oh how I'm hoping he shows up again shortly in some impromptu disguise!)
Gotta wonder how they trussed up Jim. Even with the aid of the two hulks.
The girl with the basket inevitably reminds me of both 'Rapunzel' and Col Vautrain's niece.
Is... um, is that Artie being Gunga Dan? Please, let it be so! (Remember, if it's a musical instrument, Artie can play it.)
For this the flute player actually has sheet music?
Look at his eyes! He wasn't expecting the cobra! (Wait, he wasn't expecting a cobra???)
Strongly suspect they used a puppet and not a real snake.
So isn't it true that snakecharming works because the snake is following the movement of the end of the flute and has nothing to do with the music? At least, that's what I've read.
(So where's the real Gunga Dan?)
(And does Paradine realize that's Artie? Does he even realize he's lost track of Artie? I think Jim's sure that's Artie.)
Shrug and double shrug!
Ok - that looked like real snake! Can I go somewhere to hide till this part is over? Not real fond of snakes...
Snerking over the classic Hollywood snakecharming music!
The voice is Artie's!
*facepalm, the double-handed variety* Artie, what are you up to???
I paused it, and the snake is just gaping there - looks like Kermit the Frog!
The hulks don't seem to realize that what he's having them do now is nothing like what he said he was going to do before he plucked them from the crowd.
'You cannot break them?' They shake their heads. 'Let's go!' (Oh, that was great! Now that's like something from the original series! Could there be hope for this turkey yet?)
*double-take* Zebras? Saddled zebras?
So... why do they grab the rifles from the other horses, the regular horses, also saddled and ready, then go and take the zebras? I do not understand!
(I am presuming these are actually regular horses too, just painted to look like zebras for the show. Not sure if actual zebras can be saddle-broke? Ah, and my son The Nerd pointed out that the tails are the tails of regular horses, not those of zebras.)
At least this time the camera didn't linger for them to wind up back where they started! (And it's been some ten minutes since I last checked the time-elapsed clock. Finally something of interest to watch to keep me from wondering how much show is left!)
No no no! Not the Sword Lady and company again! *grumble grumble*
'What makes you so sure [that's Juanita]?' Are you kidding, Artie? Jim heard La Cucaracha playing!
And let me concur with the general agreement that Juanita is a big pain!
Um, guys... Guys? You're being shot at; is this the time to have an argument?
Now what did Jim say? 'It wasn't an affair; it was work'? Is that what he said?
Glad to see Jim pulling a Jim-of-old manuever by slipping up behind Juanita - but how did he get over there without any of her party seeing him?
(This is so much better! They should have cut out practically all of it up to the part where J&A are hanging over the tiger pit. It's improved vastly since then.)
Once the second rifle's empty, I doubt if Artie has any more ammo...
But then once Jim takes the queen, the chess game's over, yeah?
Ah, Jim... what if she'd pointed that sword at you just as you jumped?
(I'll admit it: I kinda get a kick out of the fact that she slapped him!)
It's very difficult listening to a woman who constantly speaks of herself in third person.
'Basta' she hollers, which does mean 'Enough!' And yet there's at least one more shot.
Quiet at last - quiet is good. (Hope Artie's ok.)
*painful laughter* After all that, kissy face!
Juanita is a psychopath.
Is 'unless he can fly' foreshadowing?
Oh no, here's Skinny - how stupid is he gonna be? *peeking between my fingers*
Yep - foreshadowing! But can a hotair balloon really outrun a train? Both have drawbacks: trains must keep to their tracks, and unpowered balloons must following the wind currents (but can go up or down to try to find a current heading in another direction). However - is that particular balloon unpowered? Hmm...
(I notice Artie's skintone for the disguise is a bit lighter around his mouth, where he tugged the whiskers off.)
Well... the balloon does have a small propeller on it...
Uh-huh. The scene aboard the balloon was silly. And that propeller looks more like it's turning in the breeze rather than imparting any forward momentum to the vessel.
(I suddenly remembered that peace conference-ish scene in the Batman & Robin movie - y'know, the Adam West movie? Whole bunch of people all talking at once, arguing, no one listening - then Penguin dehydrates 'em all, lotsa other stuff happens, the powders for each person get all muddled up together, and at the end when they're rehydrated - voilà, they're all speaking different languages from before, but dang it, they're still arguing and not listening!)
Train porn!
How come Jim recognizes the hotair balloon, but Skinny and Artie - seriously, Artie?? - think it's a different balloon?
It's... it's pedal-powered? *facepalm* (And the girl looks sooooo happy, pedaling an exercise bike in a long Victorian skirt.)
Oh, here's Dr Messenger again. Hope I can understand him better this time...
Messenger gets way too much joy out of that one delegate being slapped.
'Don't forget I'm running the show.' Power-hungry much?
Dr Henry - yeah, let's be absolutely transparent about whom we are parodying - is a thoroughgoing obstruction. *glares*
My word, but it was hard for me to fathom whom Messenger had sent as far away from Washington as possible! I thought at first he was saying 'my wife'! Took me four tries to catch on that he said 'Director Malone.' And what's that German term he calls Skinny? Artie looks shocked - and frankly, to me who knows only a modicum of German, it sounded like something you wouldn't be able to say on American tv in English. Yeah, I could be wrong.
Ah - that's what it means! Whew! Nice to be wrong! (Except Artie looks to me like he's thinking 'That's not how I would have translated it...')
Ah, Dr Messenger is so charmingly courteous! Not!
So what Jim takes away from their meeting is that Messenger might just pull off this disarmament? Not at all what I would have been thinking at that point! But Artie seems to have the dude pegged.
*snerk!* Artie puts the final touches on his disguise while pom-pomming the WWW theme music! *grin*
Ambassador of Lichtenstein, eh? So they're gonna try to slip Artie into the conference anyway, without Messenger's permission. (Hope Messenger doesn't rumble him!)
I like Artie getting into character even as Jim gives him the details.
When Artie starts to ask which side, I thought he was going to ask which leg he was wounded in! So he got to pick which side of the late conflict he was on, eh? A quibble: at the time this story is set, Turkey was still the seat of the Ottoman Empire. So would he have referred to them as Turks, or as Ottomans? (Not saying the term Turk was completely anachronistic for the time, but maybe Ottoman would have been used more? Maybe?)
Ah - and Jim still thinks they'll keep in touch through Dr Messenger? I thought Messenger nixed the Artie-as-a-delegate plan! (Ok, I went back and rewatched the previous scene, and I still think Messenger told them No. When did it become Yes?)
And... I was wondering how far Artie would get before he realized Jim still had his credentials.
There's practically a delegate uniform!
Who just called him Mr Gordon??
Paradine? That was Paradine? I didn't catch on, but Artie sure did! (Took another look - yeah, maybe that's Jonathan under all that facial fur - the voice didn't quite sound like his.)
Oh, Jim - shall I give you a rundown of how many times in the old days someone saw through Artie's disguise? Happened a lot more than your fond reminiscences suspect!
(By the way, I like the bits of padding in Artie's suit to make him look portly. And they had to do that, so that he and Paradine could look practically identical.)
'Any sign of him?' 'Nothing that I can see.' And there's a touch of despair in Artie's answer, knowing that Paradine could be in fact be right there, sight unseen.
Messenger's trying to call the meeting to order, but no one is listening. And hey, is that Bernie Kopell? (Apparently he's Italy.) Yikes, and is Russia Avery Schreiber?? (Oh, and possibly the delegate on the other side of Bernie is Vito Scotti?)
I figured someone would finally yell to get order! Ah, and then it’s so quiet you hear a pen drop. (Unless it was that one delegate setting his chair back down onto all four legs...)
Russian delegate sure sounds like Avery. And the German delegate, now that we get a closeup, looks like Dave Madden (the manager on The Partridge Family).
(Come to think of it, a huge proportion of the actors I see here - that's presuming I'm identifying them correctly - are comedians.)
Loving Avery's pronunciation of the word duration!
Wow, Russia starts things off by raising an objection, and Messenger acts like he's throwing in the towel already.
What, we've got the Cuban Missile Crisis some seventy years in advance, with Russia not behind it and objecting? O.o (For that matter, Cuba would have still been part of Spain at that time.)
What's Messenger muttering to the dude at his left? The dude keeps shrugging.
Artie looks like he's got a headache coming on. (And this is probably why peace conferences are not commonly a spectator sport!)
By the way - I see only eight chairs at the conference table, possibly nine. Where was Lichtenstein supposed to sit?
German delegate starts speaking, and yep, he sounds like Dave Madden.
Spain, shut up! Germany just said there are no troops in Cuba, and you just admitted they are there after all! (Germany is not happy with his next-chair neighbor!)
Uh... *rewind, watch again...* Oh, the Monroe Doctrine! That's what Messenger said! (But it almost sounds to me like Spain repeats it as 'Marilyn Monroe?' Huh?)
Four thousand? Spain says four thousand? Wasn't Russia complaining about three thousand? (And is Germany going to have to gag Spain with his own sash?)
(Messenger looks like he's enjoying the bickering between Spain and Germany - and now it's five thousand troops!)
(Ok, now a closeup on Italy and France - Italy no longer looks like Bernie Kopell, but France still looks like Vito Scotti...)
Peace conference! Ah, Peace! But seriously, who needs a Paradine to roil things up; these dudes seem to be doing a great job all on their own.
Come to think of it - maybe that isn't Messenger; maybe he's Paradine.
(I like how Spain says 'withiiinnnn'!)
Now Germany admits it's six thousand! And he takes it on himself to invite Russia to bring into Cuba a matching number of troops. Yay for peace!
Russia looks so happy and withdraws his objection. But why does Messenger applaud? I don't think anything's gotten better.
What a cute little battle of the gloves! I caught a bit of the insults Spain and Germany were hurling at each other.
And now it's a free-for-all! Double yay! (That's sarcasm, btw.)
Germany is still trying to hit Spain with his gloves!
Messenger is taking names! He's a glorified schoolmarm.
'On three: one, two, three, detente!'
'What would your mother say!'
I think Jim just said what I just said above.
And as Our Heroes leave, people are starting to throw paper wads.
Now that they're back in their room and discussing Paradine, I fully expect him to suddenly appear at any second.
Bingo! There he is.
Jim? You're encouraging him? (Sure hope that's just to find out what his next plan is.)
The bombs in the major capitals does sound like a left-over from the Miguelito Jr plot.
The two different shots of Jim are disturbing. And how is he supposed to find the bombs in twenty-four hours? Can't even cross the Atlantic in twenty-four hours in those days.
Well, that was just dumb! They knew he was going to disappear!
*sigh* And the writing has gone back to disappointing in the extreme. *gloom*
Oh... Cherchez les femmes!
Urk - there's a tradition from the original series I could have done without: the over-the-top Southern accents in the mouths of the beautiful girls.
Considering the high sign that just passed between Our Heroes, I presume J&A are engaging in a variation of Good Cop/Bad Cop. But I really don't believe Jim in the series would have ever resorted to actual violence against a woman.
Yeah, kiss her - that's more like Jim! *rolls eyes*
(So is this a charade for the benefit of the sister left in the other room with Artie?)
Ah, Artie's snoozing on the sofa with Yvonne in his arms.
Twelve hours? So how much time of the twenty-four hours do they have left? Jim's right; they don't have time for this conversation! And Artie's annoying me right now.
(Yvonne's having trouble pretending to be sound asleep while J&A are talking.)
The bomb's in Washington, eh? And from the extended closeup on Messenger's globe, I'm gonna guess it contains the bomb.
Shuttle diplomacy! Another Kissinger joke!
Messenger looks like he's got a black eye. Might be the shadow of his eyeglasses.
Oh, that lens of his glasses is broken!
With less than an hour to go before the bomb goes off, Jim's back to kissing the girl...
Great! Jim called the girl by the wrong name!
And Artie was in the other room with the other girl, instead of already searching the building where the conference is being held?? That's inefficient!
Ah - the invisible man arrives by carriage and is carrying a highly visible briefcase. *wince* For one thing, the briefcase is all the more noticeable because it's being carried by an invisible hand. And for another, if the briefcase is visible, why are Paradine's clothes not also visible - hmmmmm???
Now wait just a goldurned minute! How come Our Heroes are tied up?? When did that happen, and why didn't we get to see them being captured? I call foul!
(No, seriously - the writers wasted the entire first half of the movie with endless jawing and poorly drawn action, and now that we have only about twelve minutes left, suddenly an important piece of action is entirely missing with us only seeing the aftermath, that Our Heroes have been captured. This is NOT good writing! And I'm mad!)
There are the hulks tying Our Heroes up, and Artie giving exposition that the twins fed them false information. This would have been far better written with J&A searching the room where they'd been told the bomb was hidden and being taken by surprise by the hulks, with possibly the twins or Paradine himself stepping out behind the hulks to monologue a bit. But we don't even get treated to that. (The writers here - they've never heard of Show, not Tell??)
'Paradine just thinks of [the pair of green guys] as hulks.' 'Incredible!' *groan*
(Ah, couldn't Our Heroes have kicked the hulks in their faces once they were kneeling on the floor to tie J&A's feet?)
Well, the delegates troop in, and what a set of bandaged beauts they are!
All the briefcases look alike, and at least one delegate has set down his case and picked up someone else's. And that's with the invisi-dude's case still floating along...
And... Paradine has made a switch too.
That little needle on the gauge behind Jim is zipping right into the red zone!
I'm thinking the Jim of old would kip up and kick the hulk in front of him even with his feet tied together. And that the Artie of old would start gabbing first to draw the attention of both hulks to him to give Jim the chance.
Oh! Ok, that's good too, turning the valve he's tied to so that hot gasses shoot out at the hulks! Of course it's highly convenient that the valve works the gas vent. And that Jim is tied to that valve. And that the hulks are in just the right spot for the hot gas to vent at them. Etc, etc.
Hmm. Ok, now I'm thinking maybe the gas isn't exactly hot. But it's obviously only hitting the hulk on the left, so why is the guy on the right immobilized by it too?
The Broughs are here? And as Southern as ever! Argh!
So... They really do know where the bomb is, and came to the building in which the bomb is about to explode to warn J&A? How thoroughly altruistic of them!
The moment's prayer in memory of the security guard strangled by one of the delegates: gallows humor, and definitely NOT at its best. *ugh*
Now that's a way to clear a room! Race in yelling there's a bomb!
Did Messenger actually yell 'IX-NAY'
Check the briefcases? Because that won't maybe accidentally set the bomb off?
Guess everyone's finding the belongings of the other guys from getting the cases all switched up. High comedy, folks! Laugh your heads off, do!
'There is no bomb in my... You interrupted me!'
Jim asks for Messenger's key; Messenger hands it over, and with it Jim unlocks the case? How? The case was the one Paradine brought in, so how does Messenger's key unlock it?
It looks so much like one of Miguelito Jr's bombs! What, did Paradine buy Jr's leftovers at a discount?
Ok, it was bad enough that the Brough sisters showed up at the site of the bomb, but here's Paradine himself, squarely in the blast range! What is it with Big Bads who can't resist showing up to brood like mother hens over their bombs? Even Loveless did it in his first appearance! It didn't make a lick of sense then, and makes even less sense now. *tearing hair out at the illogic of it all!*
Well at least Artie calls him on the stupidity of being in the same room with his own bomb!
Oh right - when he's invisible, he can't be blown up. Laws of physics? what are those? (And my word, how on earth did he ever discover this convenient property of invisibility?)
Heh - well, that's perfect! Just what Paradine deserves!
Help... you? Seriously?
Precisely, Jim! Set the bomb right before Paradine.
Bless Artie, he goes to talk some sense into Paradine (and also confiscates the invisibility switch). But what's with Messenger ordering Artie to defuse it? And the 'mm-hmm, yeah' sounds he makes?
Paradine could at least tell Artie how to open the thing up, y'know.
Oh, yeah, body English from Dr Messenger - that'll help Artie!
Uh - why are all the delegates just standing/sitting around in the room watching Artie? How come they don't evacuate, huh?
Russia thinks his briefcase will shield him...
Oh, let's hug! Italy, France, and the teddy bear! (Another anachronism - Teddy Roosevelt hadn't been president yet.)
'Here goes nothing!' says Artie and pulls all the wires. And Paradine said nothing - no advice, no pointing out which wire to pull. But Paradine couldn't defuse it himself because it would take too long?
Where did that dude come from??? Suddenly Edney shows up to clap the irons on Paradine's wrists! (But if he thinks the Americans will let him make off with Paradine without an argument, he's got another think coming!)
Close the invisibility gap?
Yep, Edney gets lots of flak over his arrest of Paradine. So what does he do? Basically throw up his hands and pass the other end of the manacle to Messenger. Going back to Great Britain! (Boy, was Rene wasted in this movie! And his new assistant wasted even more so!)
Thus endeth the peace conference.
Ok, what's with Messenger? (And is this a reference to the USA scooping up so many German scientists at the end of WWII and bringing 'em over here to make rockets and so forth for us?)
So Artie in playing with the invisibility switch accidentally made Paradine and Dr Messenger disappear?
No offense, Artie, but Jim did the right thing with that switch!
Oh, out for a promenade with the Brough girls! Because it doesn't matter how bad a thing the Pretty Girls in a WWW show do, they can always be forgiven in time for Our Heroes to take 'em out on a date! *glares* I thought the writers learned to NOT do that anymore after the end of the first season!
Disembodied voices. And yes, they DO deserve each other! (Though it occurs to me: if Messenger - and the g is supposed to be a hard g? - unchains himself from Paradine, won't he stop being invisible? Paradine was linked to the device, not Messenger. And anyway, if the briefcase didn't turn invisible, why did Messenger??)
Ah... Wait a minute! If invisible men are in the river - where are the holes in the water to accommodate their invisible bodies???
*ahem* 'The only way to fly,' says Artie. Meanwhile the other girl is steering without being able to see where she's going.
Back to Skinny the IV!
Hmm - wonder whoever found that little gizmo...
And we end with a wholly predictable, completely telegraphed joke!
NOT smiling at the end of this one as I was at the end of the first reunion movie. But then that fact was wholly predictable and completely telegraphed too, wasn't it?
Credits:
Did not recognize Liz Torres.
Did not recognize Emma Samms.
Did recognize Joyce Brothers!
Hey! That was Jack La Lanne? Ok, did not recognize him either!
Misidentified the Italian Ambassador.
And the French one.
Didn't even try to identify the Spanish one.
Nailed the German and Russian Ambassadors! *grin*
Didn't recognize the hulks (I thought one of them might have been a Duke of Hazard, but no.)
*jaw scrapes floor* Look at that! Look at the Women's Wardrobe credit: Voulee Giokaris! Someone from the original series!
For one thing, I have this vague memory of watching one of the movies (on first airing, I have no doubt) and seeing a circus tent. There was no circus tent in the first one... oh wait - there was the tent theater where Jim found Artie - but that one was dull-colored and it was a night scene; the one I recall was brightly-colored and it was day. So I'm presuming what I remembered will be in this movie.
I know that Victor Buono is in this one, making the entire WWW experience something of a Buono sandwich (since he was also in the pilot). Here he plays a German-sounding politician named Dr Messenger, an obvious riff on Dr Kissinger. (And I remember thinking about the Messenger/Kissinger joke back when the movie first aired too.)
I've heard that the Big Bad here was supposed to be Miguelito Jr again, but that for some reason Paul Williams wasn't available to play the part again, so they rewrote it, bringing in... what's the name, Palladin? played by Jonathan Winters. Now, I'm very fond of Jonathan Winters! But I'd be hard pressed to name any role he played that wasn't comedic, so I'm already a bit leery.
(Well, one of the things I always always liked about WWW was the bits of humor they brought in, such as the banter between Our Heroes. But the show's primarily action-adventure, not comedy. So I hope this one doesn't go overboard with the humor.)
Ok, I think I'm ready to plug in the headphones, crank up the ol' VideoLan, and watch the show...
Nice set of drawings to show the opening credits over, starting with the still of *happy sigh* the train (Oo, and with the two cars as in the old days, rather than the one long car from the previous reunion movie). Ah, Paradine! I got that wrong. Heh - they credit Skinny as Robert T Malone *snicker*. Oh, and Rene's back for this one too! Nice.
I take it the Broughs are twins? For that matter, their names are familiar, especially Randi. Suspect I'll recognize them when they show up.
So now it's 1890. So the president should be... Benjamin Harrison, right? Between the two Grover Cleveland administrations.
As simple a thing as getting his key to unlock a door, and Jonathan's mugging for the camera.
Oy! Now if I hadn't been warned that the movie starts with several copies of Jonathan Winters being blown up, I would have been freaking out right now!
Ah, I like the artsy version, with his big beret at a rakish angle. Boo hoo - I won't get to like him for long, will I?
The trigger was clipped to the back of the palette? That's a pretty dumb way to set off a bomb! (After all, he was moving that palette all over the place - and wouldn't he have seen there was something attached to the back?) Yikes, and the whole building was brought down - talk about overkill! *disapproves*
Germany and he's digging into his supper - and another building blown to smithereens. (Ok, the London version's whole building went to pieces too, but there it looked like a single-family dwelling, not an apartment building as here and in Paris.)
Spain - the bull blows up? Seriously? That's abominable! (No really - think about it...)
Um, wait a minute - the next location is given as Chicago, but as the camera follows the cab along the street, we see a theater sign in the background which reads BILLY GOA... (probably Billy Goat?) - and I saw that very same sign in Revisited when Jim arrives in Kansas City to pick up Artie and the train! (Yeah, they didn't expect anyone to notice, did they?)
Aw, Artie - couldn't you shove your name onto that theatrical poster at least one more time?? And what's that last line: Fresh from his Dramatic Triumph in Brush, Colorado? Brush?
(You know, to hear the reunion movies tell it, Artie's a really bad actor on the stage! Was that really how we were always supposed to see him, even in the series? Because that was never the impression I got of him - a fact my fanfictions make clear.)
Love the rows of wigs on the shelves in his dressing room. And yes, it's a real dressing room this time, with a star and his name on the door!
Artie's delivery on 'Obviously you're not of the theater!' *snicker snicker*
Artie plainly is only willing to make that deal with Joseph because he's so sure Jim won't agree to come out of retirement again. And I love that he quotes the 'only one pipsqueak' line!
Who is that woman with the sword?? And man, this looks like the finale of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid!
Those dudes can't shoot straight for nothing! Not that I want them to hit the running man (I'm presuming that's Jim), but he's running in a straight line across open country - and now he's fallen down! And they still miss him with every shot!
Yep, it's Jim. And Joseph's there waiting for him?
Edward Jensen? He looked just like Joseph! (And he must think he's bullet-proof same as Jim...)
Jim's got a mustache again!
So much for Jim's Mexican paradise...
Another repeated shot from the first movie, when the two carriages roll past in different directions as the camera zooms in on the Treasury Dept sign.
Oh, not just a mustache, but some gray in it and at Jim's temples too.
Yeah yeah, Jim - wave the flag!
'You wanna add anything?' 'No, I think you've covered it all, Artie.' But Skinny's smiling to see them. (And by the way, Jim didn't stop to change clothes after arriving from Mexico, same as in the first movie!)
'Our adventures? How did he get into this act?' My sentiments exactly! The desk jockey thinks the adventures include him!
Skinny, read a thesaurus and stop using the word vicinity so often. Besides, the Western states are a bit big to be considered a vicinity - in my estimation.
(I love Artie's watch chain.)
Sagging? Again with the sagging?
Fitness room? Jim says the phrase with interest, Artie with dread.
I do believe that is in fact Benjamin Harrison on the wall behind Skinny. Nice touch. Ah, and I no sooner type it when Skinny points him out and identifies him. *smile*
However, his line about the president running around his Oval Office all day long makes Harrison sound a bit like a hamster. And was the Oval Office a thing yet in those days? I thought maybe it was more modern - say, from the days of the Truman repairs (after the piano leg fell through a floor in the White House).
Jim's in his red skivvies again. And Artie looks like he's going to the beach!
Artie, don't you dare yawn!
*squee!* Great-Aunt Maude! And dingy-bang!
Being dragged - apt line!
I'm amazed Jim kept his hat that long... Wait a minute - is this the sword lady from Mexico again??
Wish I could understand the word Jim yells! Sounds like Porista? Maybe it's a name - the sword lady's name?
For two guys who just got dragged a block or two along a dirt street, they don't look particularly dirty, nor do their clothes look in bad shape. (I'd have expected a hole or two, yeah?)
Hey, not bad fightin' moves from Artie - and some of 'em, that's even Ross doing 'em. And directing the next fighter Jim's way! Claiming he doesn't know Jim at all though - I don't think Artie would really do that - well, not unless he was undercover (which he isn't), or unless he was REALLY mad at Jim (which maybe he is!).
Ok, so I didn't think Artie would run off and abandon Jim, and sure enough, he's sweet-talking his way into making off with a tandem bike. (Yeah, that can outrun a beer wagon!)
What, the horses got spooked by the bicycle? They ripped loose the porch support!
The gang that couldn't shoot straight strikes again...
(Somehow I doubt if that young couple ever got their bike back.)
The washstand is in the middle of the parlor again. And from what I could see, still the wrong kind of washstand for on a moving train.
Yeah, the 'Skinny's so dumb, he (fill in the blank)' jokes are starting to wear a bit thin. He's doesn't strike me as particularly dimwitted, especially compared to his nephew. (And I'm sure some of you are saying, 'What, only starting to wear thin?')
This depot looks a lot like the one at Wagon Gap in the previous movie.
Not the fringed jacket of old, but not bad - not bad at all. (And Jim's still got the mustache!)
And out of the cloud of venting steam steps - Jonathan. The adventure begins!
Spitting image of his father? But who's his father that we're supposed to know him, eh? Oh, and Jonathan's mugging again.
Ah, Artie - you've just met the guy you've been sent after, the fellow who's supposed to be the Big Bad of this case, and when he offers you something to drink, you're all for it? Oh, and it's champagne on ice - six bottles - and you're practically salivating! Are you pulling something? 'Cause you can't really be dumb enough to drink that without suspecting something's up!
Jim at least seems suspicious.
The eyes, the eyebrows - that's Jonathan all over.
That dude in the foreground gets slapped by the saloon girl.
Oh, these must be the Broughs!
A slice off the ol' Paradine fruitcake - that's a great line. Be an even better line if any of us in the audience knew anything about Paradine's father! (They couldn't have pulled in a canon villain of old? I mean, I could have: instead of Paradine the second, this is... Braine Jr! There ya go! Now we know who Daddy was!)
Oo, red flocked wallpaper!
He intends to dominate the entire world! And his smile drops off his face one cheek at a time.
New and fresh point of view for a madman. Yep, that's about the size of it.
I do not understand the megalomaniac who wants to rule over the debris of civilization. *shakes head* (At least he wants some survivors to rule over, unlike the thoroughly despicable Furman Crotty. Hey, maybe Jonathan could be his kid!)
Wait, what? Either one is infinitely more difficult than the other? Speaks in oxymorons, the man does!
Ok, that was quite true - a most unusual departure!
Oh, he's invisible! And instead of walking around the tables, he has to show where he is by knocking them all over. So what's the good of being invisible, hey?
What did he blow up? And is this a leftover bomb from when it was going to be Miguelito Jr?
Everyone acts like a huge explosion is no big deal.
Ok, I was wrong: I don't really recognize the Broughs at all.
And... station break. Analysis: I found the scene at the saloon a bit odd. Let's just sit down with the Big Bad and discuss things. He admits to the murder of his brothers and lays out his nefarious plans, Artie makes snarky asides to Jim that the Big Bad can plainly hear - and Jim just sits there. The scene falls completely flat for me; could have been much better written. Much. It's a bunch of plain ol' exposition, and static at that, with them all sitting around a table. *shakes head sadly*
I took a break to run some errands and of course was mulling over the story to date in my head. And for a bit there, just a little bit, I considered issuing a challenge to our fanfiction authors here to rewrite this story and make it better. But then it hit me: that's what fanficcers do all the time! Story didn't go the way we like, we fix it! So I'm not exactly issuing a challenge.
(More like hinting at a plot bunny... *wink*)
Hmm, the story advances a month at a time...
Yes, I agree with Skinny! Enough talk; let's have some action!
I do wonder though that Skinny goes from 'Pfft! How is he dangerous?' to 'This is war!' in the space of about half a minute.
I have no idea what his little soliloquy was about. And whistling because this is war? ... Maybe they're right; maybe Skinny really is a few bricks shy of a full load.
That's a checkers board, obviously, but what sort of checkers are they using on it? Frankly, Artie's men look like so many Brazil nuts. (Also, his move looks illegal.)
Anyway, that's why you use a telegraph, gentlemen, so you don't waste time going from Nevada (was it Nevada this time? I may have lost track) to Washington DC and back again. Did the writers forget the telegraph had been invented?
Where the blazes did that bloody Brit come from???
Colonel? You mean that blithering idiot (Queen Victoria's own words for him) got promoted? (Will wonders never cease...)
The engineer this time is named Casey. Artie knows it; Edney (Rene's character) didn't bother to learn it even though he's been riding in the engine with Casey since they left Washington.
Casey refused to give Edney any information whatsoever. Good for Casey! So why did he let Edney ride with him? Must be more to the story than we're being told.
Lovely - Edney lights his cigar, waves out his match, then simply lets the match fall on the carpet. *glowers at the litterbug*
Edney tells the rest of his story about the engineer, and it doesn't make much sense. What did he pat in his pocket? If he didn't bribe the engineer, then what's in the pocket: a gun? Did he threaten the man? (If so, it's wonder Casey didn't conveniently bump into him on a curve and bye-bye, Edney!)
This time he thinks he's legal? The more Edney talks, the more I want to bump into him on a curve!
Britain simply isn't interested in a world war at this particular moment. *shakes head*
Oh, and they won't be interested until August 1914, give or take a fortnight. Hahaha, let's make World War I jokes. (Listen closely; I ain't laughing.)
Everybody hit the deck! Yep, it's sword lady again!
And here the writers seem to have forgotten about the speaking tube that communicated between the parlor and the engine room. (engine deck? what's the proper term for that? need to look it up!) The joke of the engineer constantly saying, 'What?' as Jim implores him for full steam falls waaaay flat - especially since the engineer ought to be able to see the horsemen racing alongside the train shooting at it. He ain't blind, is he?
Jim throws wood at the baddies. Jim don't got his gun, I guess.
(Y'know, when I longed for action a bit earlier, I expected real action, not a parody thereunto!)
Why does the cart with Sword Lady stop? I don't understand!
Oh, a couple of the pieces of wood hit the bullwhip guy! And therefore he breaks off the attack? Again, I don't understand!
Now Sword Lady sounds like a whiny brat. If she wants Jim West, why do she and her cohorts stop attacking the train? Doesn't make sense. I don't see any physical obstacles to make them stop. Seriously, the bad guys need to be consistent, not just show up, fire off a few weapons, then give up for no reason. That's not how action works.
And for once I agree with Edney, though my question is not wondering who they were, but why they stopped their pursuit. (If there must be plot devices, at least they should be done well!)
Edney, you scum! You act as if it's a personal affront against yourself, queen, and country that you've been embroiled in Jim's 'personal matter,' but the fact is that you're a stowaway and the only reason you're there in the line of fire is because you imposed yourself on J&A and on their train! So shut your trap, Edney; if you get killed here, it's because you butted in! *grumble grumble grumble*
Edney's lines are supposed to be funny, I guess, but mostly to me they just sound like poor writing. (Poor Rene!)
A quibble - there should be more area on the train than the parlor and the engine. There ought to be the baggage car, for instance. Staterooms too, but neither of Our Heroes are likely to want Edney poking around in their bedrooms!
Wondering why Artie just stayed on the floor for the rest of the scene.
Back to the depot. Girls in pretty dresses with parasols waiting. The Broughs again maybe? Oh, just one girl! And I don't recognize her. But she's plainly meeting their train.
Oh, she's Penelope's replacement. I'm grumpy that Edney made arrangements for her to meet him when he didn't even belong on that train! (At least she doesn't have a boob window!)
Ah, I can see the length of the train now, and it's back to the one long car. In all that room there should have been a baggage area where they could stick Edney to cool his heels.
Again Artie gets excited over Paradine's champagne! I'm annoyed at the writing all over again.
More standing around talking without really advancing the plot. *sigh* Or even proper exposition? She finds the professor 'roly-poly'? What is that even supposed to mean?
At least Edney refuses to drink the champagne! But ordering J&A to arrest Paradine? Jim's right; he's out of his jurisdiction.
Facepalming - both hands over my face - at Edney's attempt to arrest Paradine.
When did Paradine develop a British accent?
Bring in troops! Edney, you're forgetting that little problem of jurisdiction again! I don't blame Artie for getting ticked off with him. (But I still think this is all badly written.)
Paradine has a good point there about starting a war between the US and England. But how come he reacts to that bomb? Wasn't it one of his bombs?
The long shot of the bomb's cloud looks like it was lifted from the previous movie. (And probably both were lifted from an actual atomic bomb test from way back when.)
Anti-social sane madman? (Again with the oxymorons!)
(Twenty-seven and a half minutes into the movie, and I'm starting to wonder if it's worth watching the rest. Too much standing around talking!)
So the invisible man gooses all the girls as he passes, then does the table-flipping thing again. Um... actually, it looks like the exact same table-flipping thing, right down to the girl jumping into that dude's arms. They reused the same footage?? (And what I was thinking of just before I recognized the same stunt is that this is not what I want to see passing as stunt work. C'mon, let's have some real action, guys! *rolls eyes*)
(Ah, never mind! I recorded both sections and played them side-by-side, and they are in fact different. Not very different, but at least it's not simply the same footage duplicated. *whew*)
Um... come to think of it, when the invisible Paradine is going behind the girls goosing them, the way J&A whirl around, I wonder were they afraid the dude would goose them too!
*sigh* Yeah, I'm really afraid this is more of a parody of WWW than the real thing. Y'know, I've seen behind the scenes pics from the filming of one or the other of the reunion movies, and I was struck by how sad Ross looked. Perhaps he was sad because he read the script they were saddled with!
Department of State, and the voice that said, 'Come!' I do believe we're about to meet Dr Messenger. (Perhaps Victor Buono can do something to revive this turkey of a movie?)
Oh dear, my hopes are dashed. Messenger's accent is so thick I can't understand him without playing each line over and over again. (Again I bewail my lack of closed captioning.)
Well, I did like his little business of acting like the president's permission is pretty much an afterthought! (Does he have a lipstick mark on his cheek? Remember Dr Kissinger's reputation as a ladies' man!)
'With two of our best men out there, shouldn't something be happening?' Yeah, that's my question too, Dr M! When is this show ever gonna stop talking us to pieces and actually have something HAPPEN???
(And we've still got another hour to go! How did they manage to pack so much nothing into just one little half-hour??)
(Don't hold back, Niecie; tell us what you really think...)
What on earth was Skinny laughing about, huh?
And suddenly Skinny's all military precision? O.o
Note to self, writes Dr M: Check... Malone's... unintelligible...
My word, when Paradine said there would be signs, he wasn't kidding! This absolutely has crossed the line into parody!
Finally a talk interlude that I liked: Artie's scenario of taking Paradine to court.
Palm trees? In that kind of desert? Am I seeing straight... *perks up* Hey! I think it's the circus tent I remembered!
*eyebrows shoot up* Who are all those people?
'Looks like fun to me'? Excuse me? James, have you forgotten why you're there? Because the sign says (I think) CASINO, you're no longer on assignment? (And is this supposed to be some nineteenth century version of Las Vegas?)
A whole line of one-armed bandits - yep, must be Vegas.
Camel... elephant... card tricks...
(Oh, and it occurs to me that Jim keeps standing with his hands on his hips - as if that makes this really James West despite the horrible script.)
(By the way, something else just occurred to me: Artie looks less jowly in this movie than in the previous one.)
Gunga Dan? That's one of the worst puns they've perpetrated in the whole series. Reminds me, of course, of Golden Cobra.
More Paradine monologuing. Somewhat weird, as usual.
'Let's stop the charade and arrest that guy.' 'On what charges?' Yeah, this is the same conversation they had on the way there! Really, he confessed to the murder of his four brothers. Why not arrest him on that and be done with it? This whole thing is becoming tiresome. (And it's only five minutes of show time since I said that last.)
Oh, there you go! Arrest him for attempting to bribe a couple of federal agents - the two stacks of five-dollar chips!
Oh, was that Akbar? *wink*
And... Paradine gives the croupier the high sign.
O.o - Move it to 18, seven digits up? (Would this system have worked on the Fortuna II?) Anyway, why bet the whole amount on a single number? I'd have held some back.
Ah, the high sign was a signal to let him win.
His system makes less sense no matter what he does.
Yikes! It's Dr Joyce Brothers! And yippie, more jawing.
Oh, shut up, Artie!
So are they being bribed? Again I can't make out what people are saying.
The fact that Artie's vest is unbuttoned is distracting me.
I wonder if Jonathan's talk about the animals might have been adlibbed. It's inane, but a slightly better class of inanity than usual, sadly.
Finished counting the chips? They've been walking all this time; when were they supposed to have time to count chips?
I do believe Jim enjoyed dumping the chips over Paradine's hat.
Oh, here are the hulk boys I heard about in a quiz recently!
Himalayas? They look like a pair of green-tinted white boys to me. One of them even looks a bit like a Duke of Hazard.
I don't know: usually Jim doesn't wade into a fight without some sort of provocation first.
Oh, that is so lame! *whimper* (First we get lots of talk and no action, now we get action that's dopey and lame!)
The fact that the camera never left the spot on the floor from which J&A jumped up to attack the hulks was a big telegraphing that they were about to occupy the same spot on the floor again. And thus it came about. Meh.
Ok, that does look uncomfortable: hanging by their ankles over the cage of tigers. Now, could Jim please have something in his boot heels, for pity's sake? Please?
Tiger jumps pretty high! If it weren't for the target the tiger's going after, I could be happy watching the tiger jump. Well, for a while.
Sadly, I have to agree with Paradine. There hasn't been any challenge to this story. Which begs the question: why did the writer include so much self-criticism into his plot?
Peace conference? This is the first mention in the story of any peace conference! 'Skinny didn't say anything about any conference...' Ugh, what a lame line they foisted off on Artie!
The watered-down Holocaust line sounds like an adlib. By the way, until WWII (and especially after it, after the extent of the Nazis' activities came to full light), I doubt if the term holocaust (meaning whole burnt offering) would have been in general use. Just sayin'.
Oh good, Artie's got an idea. Which is the perfect time for a station break. (Bringing us to roughly half-way through the show. My word, but it's taking forever!) (I am seriously craving to bring up my solitaire program to chill out for a while - a long while.)
But, back to the show.
Harry Morgan on horseback. He looks so different here from Col Potter on horseback! (No, really: he's posting.)
Yeah yeah yeah, Paradine, lay the flattery on just a bit thicker. Oh good, it seems to have rubbed Skinny the wrong way… Except, no, Skinny seems to have fallen under Paradine's sway. (What a pity - Hope I'm wrong!)
Fishing trip? As in fishing for some excuse to arrest Paradine, that kind of fishing?
Skinny's justifying Our Heroes' opinion of him again. Talking too much to the guy he knows is the bad guy!
(The Broughs don't really have much to do. They don't even get to roll their eyes at the bad guy's antics the way Carmelita kept expressing her opinion of Jr's bombast.)
Literally facepalming over the bit about the rods over their shoulders... And skipping along! Gaahhh!
Anything - wink - anything. Yep, another proffered bribe... Ugh, proffered, and apparently accepted. *gloom*
Ok, we come back to Our Heroes again - and Artie really did have a good idea! And Jim has a knife... Ok, now they just have to make sure they don't lose their grip on the ropes before they're outside the cage... (I doubt if that was Ross doing the stunt, but I do wonder if Bob did it.)
Ah. And once again the camera betrays that Our Heroes will be right back.
Greenie behind 'em, greenie before. And Paradine too. Yippie.
Um... so now it's Let's Make a Deal? *jaw drops* Yeah, he even said the title!
Basket - considering the placard about the Gunga Dan dude in the main tent, I can probably guess what's in the basket. But likely none of the three options is anything they would want.
'Just take your time' half second passes 'Time's up!'
Ah, Artie actually mouths 'Basket' to Jim before Jim says the word loudly!
Paradine tells a hulk to take Mr West to the Snake Pit Lounge. Artie wanders along with the other hulk behind him - and suddenly on a curve he winds up behind the second hulk while apparently adjusting his clothing - and BAM! Off he runs! (And oh how I'm hoping he shows up again shortly in some impromptu disguise!)
Gotta wonder how they trussed up Jim. Even with the aid of the two hulks.
The girl with the basket inevitably reminds me of both 'Rapunzel' and Col Vautrain's niece.
Is... um, is that Artie being Gunga Dan? Please, let it be so! (Remember, if it's a musical instrument, Artie can play it.)
For this the flute player actually has sheet music?
Look at his eyes! He wasn't expecting the cobra! (Wait, he wasn't expecting a cobra???)
Strongly suspect they used a puppet and not a real snake.
So isn't it true that snakecharming works because the snake is following the movement of the end of the flute and has nothing to do with the music? At least, that's what I've read.
(So where's the real Gunga Dan?)
(And does Paradine realize that's Artie? Does he even realize he's lost track of Artie? I think Jim's sure that's Artie.)
Shrug and double shrug!
Ok - that looked like real snake! Can I go somewhere to hide till this part is over? Not real fond of snakes...
Snerking over the classic Hollywood snakecharming music!
The voice is Artie's!
*facepalm, the double-handed variety* Artie, what are you up to???
I paused it, and the snake is just gaping there - looks like Kermit the Frog!
The hulks don't seem to realize that what he's having them do now is nothing like what he said he was going to do before he plucked them from the crowd.
'You cannot break them?' They shake their heads. 'Let's go!' (Oh, that was great! Now that's like something from the original series! Could there be hope for this turkey yet?)
*double-take* Zebras? Saddled zebras?
So... why do they grab the rifles from the other horses, the regular horses, also saddled and ready, then go and take the zebras? I do not understand!
(I am presuming these are actually regular horses too, just painted to look like zebras for the show. Not sure if actual zebras can be saddle-broke? Ah, and my son The Nerd pointed out that the tails are the tails of regular horses, not those of zebras.)
At least this time the camera didn't linger for them to wind up back where they started! (And it's been some ten minutes since I last checked the time-elapsed clock. Finally something of interest to watch to keep me from wondering how much show is left!)
No no no! Not the Sword Lady and company again! *grumble grumble*
'What makes you so sure [that's Juanita]?' Are you kidding, Artie? Jim heard La Cucaracha playing!
And let me concur with the general agreement that Juanita is a big pain!
Um, guys... Guys? You're being shot at; is this the time to have an argument?
Now what did Jim say? 'It wasn't an affair; it was work'? Is that what he said?
Glad to see Jim pulling a Jim-of-old manuever by slipping up behind Juanita - but how did he get over there without any of her party seeing him?
(This is so much better! They should have cut out practically all of it up to the part where J&A are hanging over the tiger pit. It's improved vastly since then.)
Once the second rifle's empty, I doubt if Artie has any more ammo...
But then once Jim takes the queen, the chess game's over, yeah?
Ah, Jim... what if she'd pointed that sword at you just as you jumped?
(I'll admit it: I kinda get a kick out of the fact that she slapped him!)
It's very difficult listening to a woman who constantly speaks of herself in third person.
'Basta' she hollers, which does mean 'Enough!' And yet there's at least one more shot.
Quiet at last - quiet is good. (Hope Artie's ok.)
*painful laughter* After all that, kissy face!
Juanita is a psychopath.
Is 'unless he can fly' foreshadowing?
Oh no, here's Skinny - how stupid is he gonna be? *peeking between my fingers*
Yep - foreshadowing! But can a hotair balloon really outrun a train? Both have drawbacks: trains must keep to their tracks, and unpowered balloons must following the wind currents (but can go up or down to try to find a current heading in another direction). However - is that particular balloon unpowered? Hmm...
(I notice Artie's skintone for the disguise is a bit lighter around his mouth, where he tugged the whiskers off.)
Well... the balloon does have a small propeller on it...
Uh-huh. The scene aboard the balloon was silly. And that propeller looks more like it's turning in the breeze rather than imparting any forward momentum to the vessel.
(I suddenly remembered that peace conference-ish scene in the Batman & Robin movie - y'know, the Adam West movie? Whole bunch of people all talking at once, arguing, no one listening - then Penguin dehydrates 'em all, lotsa other stuff happens, the powders for each person get all muddled up together, and at the end when they're rehydrated - voilà, they're all speaking different languages from before, but dang it, they're still arguing and not listening!)
Train porn!
How come Jim recognizes the hotair balloon, but Skinny and Artie - seriously, Artie?? - think it's a different balloon?
It's... it's pedal-powered? *facepalm* (And the girl looks sooooo happy, pedaling an exercise bike in a long Victorian skirt.)
Oh, here's Dr Messenger again. Hope I can understand him better this time...
Messenger gets way too much joy out of that one delegate being slapped.
'Don't forget I'm running the show.' Power-hungry much?
Dr Henry - yeah, let's be absolutely transparent about whom we are parodying - is a thoroughgoing obstruction. *glares*
My word, but it was hard for me to fathom whom Messenger had sent as far away from Washington as possible! I thought at first he was saying 'my wife'! Took me four tries to catch on that he said 'Director Malone.' And what's that German term he calls Skinny? Artie looks shocked - and frankly, to me who knows only a modicum of German, it sounded like something you wouldn't be able to say on American tv in English. Yeah, I could be wrong.
Ah - that's what it means! Whew! Nice to be wrong! (Except Artie looks to me like he's thinking 'That's not how I would have translated it...')
Ah, Dr Messenger is so charmingly courteous! Not!
So what Jim takes away from their meeting is that Messenger might just pull off this disarmament? Not at all what I would have been thinking at that point! But Artie seems to have the dude pegged.
*snerk!* Artie puts the final touches on his disguise while pom-pomming the WWW theme music! *grin*
Ambassador of Lichtenstein, eh? So they're gonna try to slip Artie into the conference anyway, without Messenger's permission. (Hope Messenger doesn't rumble him!)
I like Artie getting into character even as Jim gives him the details.
When Artie starts to ask which side, I thought he was going to ask which leg he was wounded in! So he got to pick which side of the late conflict he was on, eh? A quibble: at the time this story is set, Turkey was still the seat of the Ottoman Empire. So would he have referred to them as Turks, or as Ottomans? (Not saying the term Turk was completely anachronistic for the time, but maybe Ottoman would have been used more? Maybe?)
Ah - and Jim still thinks they'll keep in touch through Dr Messenger? I thought Messenger nixed the Artie-as-a-delegate plan! (Ok, I went back and rewatched the previous scene, and I still think Messenger told them No. When did it become Yes?)
And... I was wondering how far Artie would get before he realized Jim still had his credentials.
There's practically a delegate uniform!
Who just called him Mr Gordon??
Paradine? That was Paradine? I didn't catch on, but Artie sure did! (Took another look - yeah, maybe that's Jonathan under all that facial fur - the voice didn't quite sound like his.)
Oh, Jim - shall I give you a rundown of how many times in the old days someone saw through Artie's disguise? Happened a lot more than your fond reminiscences suspect!
(By the way, I like the bits of padding in Artie's suit to make him look portly. And they had to do that, so that he and Paradine could look practically identical.)
'Any sign of him?' 'Nothing that I can see.' And there's a touch of despair in Artie's answer, knowing that Paradine could be in fact be right there, sight unseen.
Messenger's trying to call the meeting to order, but no one is listening. And hey, is that Bernie Kopell? (Apparently he's Italy.) Yikes, and is Russia Avery Schreiber?? (Oh, and possibly the delegate on the other side of Bernie is Vito Scotti?)
I figured someone would finally yell to get order! Ah, and then it’s so quiet you hear a pen drop. (Unless it was that one delegate setting his chair back down onto all four legs...)
Russian delegate sure sounds like Avery. And the German delegate, now that we get a closeup, looks like Dave Madden (the manager on The Partridge Family).
(Come to think of it, a huge proportion of the actors I see here - that's presuming I'm identifying them correctly - are comedians.)
Loving Avery's pronunciation of the word duration!
Wow, Russia starts things off by raising an objection, and Messenger acts like he's throwing in the towel already.
What, we've got the Cuban Missile Crisis some seventy years in advance, with Russia not behind it and objecting? O.o (For that matter, Cuba would have still been part of Spain at that time.)
What's Messenger muttering to the dude at his left? The dude keeps shrugging.
Artie looks like he's got a headache coming on. (And this is probably why peace conferences are not commonly a spectator sport!)
By the way - I see only eight chairs at the conference table, possibly nine. Where was Lichtenstein supposed to sit?
German delegate starts speaking, and yep, he sounds like Dave Madden.
Spain, shut up! Germany just said there are no troops in Cuba, and you just admitted they are there after all! (Germany is not happy with his next-chair neighbor!)
Uh... *rewind, watch again...* Oh, the Monroe Doctrine! That's what Messenger said! (But it almost sounds to me like Spain repeats it as 'Marilyn Monroe?' Huh?)
Four thousand? Spain says four thousand? Wasn't Russia complaining about three thousand? (And is Germany going to have to gag Spain with his own sash?)
(Messenger looks like he's enjoying the bickering between Spain and Germany - and now it's five thousand troops!)
(Ok, now a closeup on Italy and France - Italy no longer looks like Bernie Kopell, but France still looks like Vito Scotti...)
Peace conference! Ah, Peace! But seriously, who needs a Paradine to roil things up; these dudes seem to be doing a great job all on their own.
Come to think of it - maybe that isn't Messenger; maybe he's Paradine.
(I like how Spain says 'withiiinnnn'!)
Now Germany admits it's six thousand! And he takes it on himself to invite Russia to bring into Cuba a matching number of troops. Yay for peace!
Russia looks so happy and withdraws his objection. But why does Messenger applaud? I don't think anything's gotten better.
What a cute little battle of the gloves! I caught a bit of the insults Spain and Germany were hurling at each other.
And now it's a free-for-all! Double yay! (That's sarcasm, btw.)
Germany is still trying to hit Spain with his gloves!
Messenger is taking names! He's a glorified schoolmarm.
'On three: one, two, three, detente!'
'What would your mother say!'
I think Jim just said what I just said above.
And as Our Heroes leave, people are starting to throw paper wads.
Now that they're back in their room and discussing Paradine, I fully expect him to suddenly appear at any second.
Bingo! There he is.
Jim? You're encouraging him? (Sure hope that's just to find out what his next plan is.)
The bombs in the major capitals does sound like a left-over from the Miguelito Jr plot.
The two different shots of Jim are disturbing. And how is he supposed to find the bombs in twenty-four hours? Can't even cross the Atlantic in twenty-four hours in those days.
Well, that was just dumb! They knew he was going to disappear!
*sigh* And the writing has gone back to disappointing in the extreme. *gloom*
Oh... Cherchez les femmes!
Urk - there's a tradition from the original series I could have done without: the over-the-top Southern accents in the mouths of the beautiful girls.
Considering the high sign that just passed between Our Heroes, I presume J&A are engaging in a variation of Good Cop/Bad Cop. But I really don't believe Jim in the series would have ever resorted to actual violence against a woman.
Yeah, kiss her - that's more like Jim! *rolls eyes*
(So is this a charade for the benefit of the sister left in the other room with Artie?)
Ah, Artie's snoozing on the sofa with Yvonne in his arms.
Twelve hours? So how much time of the twenty-four hours do they have left? Jim's right; they don't have time for this conversation! And Artie's annoying me right now.
(Yvonne's having trouble pretending to be sound asleep while J&A are talking.)
The bomb's in Washington, eh? And from the extended closeup on Messenger's globe, I'm gonna guess it contains the bomb.
Shuttle diplomacy! Another Kissinger joke!
Messenger looks like he's got a black eye. Might be the shadow of his eyeglasses.
Oh, that lens of his glasses is broken!
With less than an hour to go before the bomb goes off, Jim's back to kissing the girl...
Great! Jim called the girl by the wrong name!
And Artie was in the other room with the other girl, instead of already searching the building where the conference is being held?? That's inefficient!
Ah - the invisible man arrives by carriage and is carrying a highly visible briefcase. *wince* For one thing, the briefcase is all the more noticeable because it's being carried by an invisible hand. And for another, if the briefcase is visible, why are Paradine's clothes not also visible - hmmmmm???
Now wait just a goldurned minute! How come Our Heroes are tied up?? When did that happen, and why didn't we get to see them being captured? I call foul!
(No, seriously - the writers wasted the entire first half of the movie with endless jawing and poorly drawn action, and now that we have only about twelve minutes left, suddenly an important piece of action is entirely missing with us only seeing the aftermath, that Our Heroes have been captured. This is NOT good writing! And I'm mad!)
There are the hulks tying Our Heroes up, and Artie giving exposition that the twins fed them false information. This would have been far better written with J&A searching the room where they'd been told the bomb was hidden and being taken by surprise by the hulks, with possibly the twins or Paradine himself stepping out behind the hulks to monologue a bit. But we don't even get treated to that. (The writers here - they've never heard of Show, not Tell??)
'Paradine just thinks of [the pair of green guys] as hulks.' 'Incredible!' *groan*
(Ah, couldn't Our Heroes have kicked the hulks in their faces once they were kneeling on the floor to tie J&A's feet?)
Well, the delegates troop in, and what a set of bandaged beauts they are!
All the briefcases look alike, and at least one delegate has set down his case and picked up someone else's. And that's with the invisi-dude's case still floating along...
And... Paradine has made a switch too.
That little needle on the gauge behind Jim is zipping right into the red zone!
I'm thinking the Jim of old would kip up and kick the hulk in front of him even with his feet tied together. And that the Artie of old would start gabbing first to draw the attention of both hulks to him to give Jim the chance.
Oh! Ok, that's good too, turning the valve he's tied to so that hot gasses shoot out at the hulks! Of course it's highly convenient that the valve works the gas vent. And that Jim is tied to that valve. And that the hulks are in just the right spot for the hot gas to vent at them. Etc, etc.
Hmm. Ok, now I'm thinking maybe the gas isn't exactly hot. But it's obviously only hitting the hulk on the left, so why is the guy on the right immobilized by it too?
The Broughs are here? And as Southern as ever! Argh!
So... They really do know where the bomb is, and came to the building in which the bomb is about to explode to warn J&A? How thoroughly altruistic of them!
The moment's prayer in memory of the security guard strangled by one of the delegates: gallows humor, and definitely NOT at its best. *ugh*
Now that's a way to clear a room! Race in yelling there's a bomb!
Did Messenger actually yell 'IX-NAY'
Check the briefcases? Because that won't maybe accidentally set the bomb off?
Guess everyone's finding the belongings of the other guys from getting the cases all switched up. High comedy, folks! Laugh your heads off, do!
'There is no bomb in my... You interrupted me!'
Jim asks for Messenger's key; Messenger hands it over, and with it Jim unlocks the case? How? The case was the one Paradine brought in, so how does Messenger's key unlock it?
It looks so much like one of Miguelito Jr's bombs! What, did Paradine buy Jr's leftovers at a discount?
Ok, it was bad enough that the Brough sisters showed up at the site of the bomb, but here's Paradine himself, squarely in the blast range! What is it with Big Bads who can't resist showing up to brood like mother hens over their bombs? Even Loveless did it in his first appearance! It didn't make a lick of sense then, and makes even less sense now. *tearing hair out at the illogic of it all!*
Well at least Artie calls him on the stupidity of being in the same room with his own bomb!
Oh right - when he's invisible, he can't be blown up. Laws of physics? what are those? (And my word, how on earth did he ever discover this convenient property of invisibility?)
Heh - well, that's perfect! Just what Paradine deserves!
Help... you? Seriously?
Precisely, Jim! Set the bomb right before Paradine.
Bless Artie, he goes to talk some sense into Paradine (and also confiscates the invisibility switch). But what's with Messenger ordering Artie to defuse it? And the 'mm-hmm, yeah' sounds he makes?
Paradine could at least tell Artie how to open the thing up, y'know.
Oh, yeah, body English from Dr Messenger - that'll help Artie!
Uh - why are all the delegates just standing/sitting around in the room watching Artie? How come they don't evacuate, huh?
Russia thinks his briefcase will shield him...
Oh, let's hug! Italy, France, and the teddy bear! (Another anachronism - Teddy Roosevelt hadn't been president yet.)
'Here goes nothing!' says Artie and pulls all the wires. And Paradine said nothing - no advice, no pointing out which wire to pull. But Paradine couldn't defuse it himself because it would take too long?
Where did that dude come from??? Suddenly Edney shows up to clap the irons on Paradine's wrists! (But if he thinks the Americans will let him make off with Paradine without an argument, he's got another think coming!)
Close the invisibility gap?
Yep, Edney gets lots of flak over his arrest of Paradine. So what does he do? Basically throw up his hands and pass the other end of the manacle to Messenger. Going back to Great Britain! (Boy, was Rene wasted in this movie! And his new assistant wasted even more so!)
Thus endeth the peace conference.
Ok, what's with Messenger? (And is this a reference to the USA scooping up so many German scientists at the end of WWII and bringing 'em over here to make rockets and so forth for us?)
So Artie in playing with the invisibility switch accidentally made Paradine and Dr Messenger disappear?
No offense, Artie, but Jim did the right thing with that switch!
Oh, out for a promenade with the Brough girls! Because it doesn't matter how bad a thing the Pretty Girls in a WWW show do, they can always be forgiven in time for Our Heroes to take 'em out on a date! *glares* I thought the writers learned to NOT do that anymore after the end of the first season!
Disembodied voices. And yes, they DO deserve each other! (Though it occurs to me: if Messenger - and the g is supposed to be a hard g? - unchains himself from Paradine, won't he stop being invisible? Paradine was linked to the device, not Messenger. And anyway, if the briefcase didn't turn invisible, why did Messenger??)
Ah... Wait a minute! If invisible men are in the river - where are the holes in the water to accommodate their invisible bodies???
*ahem* 'The only way to fly,' says Artie. Meanwhile the other girl is steering without being able to see where she's going.
Back to Skinny the IV!
Hmm - wonder whoever found that little gizmo...
And we end with a wholly predictable, completely telegraphed joke!
NOT smiling at the end of this one as I was at the end of the first reunion movie. But then that fact was wholly predictable and completely telegraphed too, wasn't it?
Credits:
Did not recognize Liz Torres.
Did not recognize Emma Samms.
Did recognize Joyce Brothers!
Hey! That was Jack La Lanne? Ok, did not recognize him either!
Misidentified the Italian Ambassador.
And the French one.
Didn't even try to identify the Spanish one.
Nailed the German and Russian Ambassadors! *grin*
Didn't recognize the hulks (I thought one of them might have been a Duke of Hazard, but no.)
*jaw scrapes floor* Look at that! Look at the Women's Wardrobe credit: Voulee Giokaris! Someone from the original series!